My husband and I have many bad arguments. He will sometimes remain angry at me for days, even weeks, and he will even be angry at our kids and not talk to us. I try to calm him down afterwards, but he will ignore me. I have even tried saying “salaamu alaykum” to him, because I know it is compulsory to return the salaam, but he won’t even return the salaam. He is a good man and I really love him, but I am scared for the punishment he may face in the hereafter because of his anger. Please help.
Good courtesy and manners between husband and a wife are very important. One of the reasons for punishment in Barzakh is ill conduct with one’s spouse and family members.
Sa’ad ibn Ma’ath was one of the closest and dearest companions of the Prophet. When he died, the Prophet (pbuh) himself carried his coffin and prepared his grave, and said that thousands of angels came to honour Sa’ad. However, the Prophet still said that Sa’ad may be punished in the grave because “there was an evil in his conduct with his family”.
Therefore,a a husband should refrain from mistreating his family if he wants to be relieved from the punishment of the grave/barzakh. Furthermore, because usually a man’s wife and children are under his authority, if a person abuses that authority and oppresses those who are helpless against him, his family’s Aid against him would be none but Allah (SWT), and one does not want to become the subject of Allah’s (SWT) wrath.
On the other hand, it is also the wife’s duty to be good to her husband, otherwise she will face the punishment of the grave as well. If on the other hand, she is patient in regards to her husband’s bad manners she will get “the reward of a thousand martyrs”
See the narrations below:
Imam Ali (as): “The punishment of the grave will be because of tale-bearing, not avoiding urine, and a man dissociating himself from his wife”.
Imam Sadiq (a.s): “Accursed, accursed is a woman who annoys her husband and grieves him. Blessed, blessed is a woman who honours her husband and does not annoy him and obeys him in all matters.” (Mostadrak 14:247)
“O Haula! By the One who sent me truly a Prophet, there is no woman who replies back to her husband, but she will be hung on the Day of Judgment by her tongue and will be nailed by Fire.” (Ibid)
Answered by: Dr Ali Alsamail
Certified by: Sheikh Mansour Leghaei