Question:

What are the main Islamic factors in choosing a spouse? What is the best criteria list?

Answer:

The main factor is الکفو (compatibility). In defining compatibility the Holy Prophet (p) says: 

أن یرضی دینه و خلقه  “They should be content with his religion and his manners” (Beharul Anwar: 103:372).

In another Hadith he said:

الکفو أن یکون عفیفا و عنده یسار “Comptability means that he should not need to ask of people, and that he have a comfortable means of living”.
Furthermore, the Holy Prophet (p) said:

اذا جاءکم من ترضون خلقه و دینه فزوجوه والا تکن فتنۀ فی الارض و فساد کبیر  “If one comes to you (with a marriage proposal) , and you are satisfied with his manners and his religion, then give him (your daughter) in marriage. Otherwise, there would be a great mischief and corruption in the land” (Wasael 20:76).

He also said: “Marry a faithful person (male or female), your life will be blessed”  (Wasael 20:50).

Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: “When a man marries a woman for her beauty or her wealth, he will be only granted that, but if he marries her for her faith, Allah will grant him her wealth and beauty too” (Wasael 20:49).

So in general, the two main characteristics that are obligatory for both boys and girls are: faith, and good manners.

It is also very important for the wife to be submissive قانتات as mentioned in Surat al-Nisa. That means that apart from being obedient to the law of God, she is also submissive to her husband (unless he is asking her to do a forbidden act or to discard an obligation). Thus, a Muslim woman is not expected to be argumentative and stubborn.

Answered by: Sheikh Mansour Leghaei