I have been fighting with my husband almost everyday and I can’t take it any more. The reason is that he will not do what I ask him but if his parents asked for anything he will help with anything. He does not give me or our son any attention. I want to see if I’m doing anything haram and what’s the right thing to do to fix this problem.
Al-Hamdolellah for your inquiry on your Islamic duty. I understand you are a God conscious lady. There is a law in psychology called ‘the law of 80/20’. That means you do not have control over 20% of what happens in your life, but 80% of it is in your hands and depends on how you react to it. The right reaction to someone’s wrong action can turn it to a good action too.
To improve your relationship with your husband I suggest the following:
1. Improve your relationship with your in-laws. Instead of seeing them as ‘them’ v ‘us’ see them like your parents and give them the respect, affection and attention you would give to your own parents. I’m sure if you see your husband respect your parents, and he visits them, and helps them when they need any help, naturally your love and respect for your husband increases. The same rule applies to you in relation to your in-laws. So, try to be more caring and more respectful to your in-laws. This will eventually improve your relationship with your husband and in return you will enjoy your marriage.
2. Please keep in mind that your husband has more obligations towards his parents. After worshipping God there is no duty more significant in Islam than being kind and dutiful to parents. Please admire your husband’s obedience to his parents.
3. When you need something from your husband please ask him gently and amicably, without any comparison to his parents. We are all sensitive about our own families, especially our parents.
Answered by: Sheikh Mansour Leghaei