(Note: The original question has been largely edited to keep it anonymous)
I need your advice. Is it wrong for me to be in a marriage where I’m constantly unhappy, or should I sacrifice my happiness for my children? Although I have some feelings for my husband, I also feel often betrayed. I know everything happens by the Will of Allah (swt), whether I remain married or get divorced, but what path should I take? Im trying to be patient for the time being.
Ofcourse, it’s a natural expectation to have a happy marriage, but we have to earn happiness. Very briefly in your case I have the following suggestions:
1. First and foremost, please make sure you improve your relations with Allah, make sure you don’t slack off in your Prayers and things that you know God is expecting from you as a Muslim woman. This is the secret behind most of our sufferings. When the relation between us and God is poor, naturally, it has some impact on our family and social relations. You are concerned and hurt about your husband’s betraying you, but are you also concerned how much you might have betrayed your Creator?! Please be a bit critical of your relationship with God and try to improve it. Then most of your issues will be solved. Very often God due to His mercy sends us signals through some bitter life experiences to wake us up.
2. Try to be nice to your husband, don’t argue with him and avoid things that may provoke him. With time you’ll win his heart. Nothing more than humbleness can win a man’s heart.
3. Consider the end of your choices:a) to get your divorce and live (most likely) for the rest of your life as a divorced woman, b) keeping your marriage and trying to make it work.
The first option may give you a temporary satisfaction because its a change, but after a while, loneliness will hit you hard. Plus, most likely you’ll lose your children whether they are going to live with you or their dad, because they need both of you. The second option is a hard way to start with but on the long run will be better for you and your family.
Considering your case, I suggest and pray to God that you:
1) improve your relationship with God,
2) trust in Him the Almighty,
3) endeavour to keep your marriage and be a good role model for your children and friends. Otherwise, you will be just another victim of secular culture which deceives women by the notion: ‘what about my happiness?’. Your long-lasting happiness is in nearness to God and being a sacrificing mother.
My prayers are with you.
Answered by: Sheikh Mansour Leghaei